Another episode watched on a train (I’m doing a lot of that recently, don’t ask), but this time the train was pretty deserted. Here are my thoughts on the third episode, which is technically the fourth episode if you count the pilot, so I’m not sure exactly what number I’m on. Anyway.

Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) is clearly into Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan), and Cooper enjoys the attention, but is he into her right back? Isn’t she supposed to be a child?

Cooper has plastic Lego hair. It may actually be a helmet, I can’t be sure.

It’s revealed Laura (Sheryl Lee) worked at the perfume counter owned by Audrey’s father Ben (Richard Breymer), as does the latest addition to One-Eyed Jacks. Is Jacks a front for this girl-assaulting operation?

Cooper takes time to lengthily order breakfast whilst the Harry and Lucy (Michael Ontkean and Kimmy Robertson) eagerly await his revelation of Laura’s killer, as am I. I am seemingly more disappointed than they are with the complete lack of answer, Cooper has just provided far more questions. “My dream is a code waiting to be broken, break the code, solve the crime.” Well, shoot.

The Mike and Bob in Cooper’s dream apparently aren’t the rapscallion Mikey and Bobby we already know, that’s frustrating.

There’s an argument at the morgue literally over Laura’s body, which Alfred (Miguel Ferrer) wants to literally drill into. Leland Palmer can’t be with them today – because he’s off murdering, perhaps? Alfred spends a long time reeling off a long list of yokel-based insults at Harry, then Harry spends approximately the same amount of time winding up the biggest punch in the world, which Alfred still refrains from seeing coming.

Ah, Leland (Ray Wise) is having his arm wound tended to whilst watching Invitation To Love on TV. There’s a lot of focus on this show, is it going to be a running theme? Should I have paid better attention at what was happening in it? Because I certainly did not. Leland is visited by a newcomer, Madeline, who calls him Uncle Leland. His next victim? It’s genuinely not until now that I realise she’s played by Sheryl Lee, who also played Laura Palmer. I’m very bad at faces (also names and personality traits; I’m bad at people in general is what I’m getting at here).

Cooper and Harry visiting Leo (Eric DaRe), who does not stop chopping wood to answer their questions. It reminds me of the John Mulaney bit about dock workers continuing to stack boxes whilst being interrogated on Law & Order.

Laura’s autopsy found two kinds of twine, the same as on the other girl who was abducted, as well as cocaine in her system, bite or claw marks, and unusual soap particles. Alfred really needs to stop calling Harry stupid, and stop trying to prosecute Harry for deservedly punching him earlier. I love Cooper lecturing Alfred on how Twin Peaks is full of human decency, I’m sure that his opinion on this will never change. It’s very Blue Velvet, with the boring suburban overlay above the seediest of underbellies.

Nadine (Wendy Robie), reminisces about seeing Big Ed and Norma (Everett McGill and Peggy Lipton) as a couple back in school. Makes you wonder how long Ed and Norma have been creeping around. Also, has there ever been another Ed to require Big Ed to have the nickname “Big”? He’s relatively tall, but not enough to warrant being referred to as bigger than anyone else. Not sure what else that could be referring to.

Is Audrey deliberately copying Cooper’s hairstyle? Awesome, but this girl needs to dial it back just a smidge. Also, a secret passageway in the hotel, for spying! Very Bad Times at the El Royale.

It’s Laura’s funeral, a staple of any missing persons mystery. Cooper is grave-side, that’s gotta be unusual and awkward, right? He never knew Laura, just there investigating her death, and he’s in prime mourning position? Yes, it’s perfect for scoping out a lot of faces and expressions, but still.

The Log Lady (Catherine E. Coulson) also has a prime spot next to the preacher, good for her.

Bobby (Dana Ashbrook) remains a psycho, proclaiming everyone there killed Laura, then specifically screams death threats at a late-arriving James (James Marshall). Then, Leland jumps onto Laura’s descending coffin, which gets stuck and keeps going up and down in the grave for a while. Fun times.

I love Shelley (Madchen Amick) re-enacting the funeral exploits for patrons in the diner later, and Harry knows Cooper well enough now that he knows that not only will Cooper recognise there’s a secret relationship between Big Ed and Norma, but Cooper will not hesitate for a moment to question Big Ed on said relationship’s duration.

Twin Peaks has a secret society protecting it from who knows what, with a secret eye-stroke signal. Harry, Big Ed, Hawk (Michael Horse), James and some other rando named Joey (Brett Vadset) – another J name! – are some of the members, who else is? There’s also a drug-smuggling middle-man called Jacques (Walter Olkewicz) – another J?! This is getting out of hand. The secret society have tied up Bernard (Clay Wilcox), a school janitor (I’m ignoring the janitor as being “J”, although you never know). Bernard had cocaine in his kit bag, and occasionally has a Cajun accent, so they tied him up.

Shelley hides Leo’s gun with his bloody shirt in her secret hiding place.

Catherine (Piper Laurie) listens to Josie (Joan Chen) telling Harry about the two sets of accounting books in the secret safe, only to secretly reveal that she’s secretly hidden one of the secret books in her secret desk drawer! This town has secret safes, drawers, hiding places, hotel corridors; someone is making a mint installing nooks and crevices in this town. Harry tells Josie that nothing’s gonna happen, not while he’s around, presumably before offering her a haircut then turning her into a pie.

Cooper sees Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn) at Laura’s grave, in some bad hat.

Leland is the opposite of Audrey, standing still in the middle of a crowd of dancers. Then he starts dancing and it gets weird, quick. Maybe Leland should go see Jacoby soon, he’s clearly not having a good time.

No real new mysteries in this episode, and nothing really got answered. Hope this isn’t the norm from now on.

Old Mysteries:
What happened to Laura?
Who assaulted the other traumatised girl?
Where did the blood on Leo’s shirt come from?
Who is the “J” Laura was anxious about meeting? – I’m not adding Jacques, Joey and the janitor to the potential “J” list just yet, but they’re on notice.
Who was the shadowy figure behind Leo in the woods?
What did any of Cooper’s dream mean?

Nullified Mysteries:
What did Cooper deduce from his dream? – As yet, nothing, just that it’s a puzzle to be solved that, in his opinion, will ultimately lead to Laura’s killer(s).