It’s the final episode of season one! I don’t know at what point planning began on season two, so my assumption before viewing is that this is all going to get wrapped up semi-neatly, with some light dangling threads to pick up next time around. Let’s find out!

Presumably if the mill inferno plot proceeds as planned, all these shots of the mill in the opening credits will be replaced with some other predominant place of work, or with shots of a burned husk of a mill.

Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn) has a collection of cocktail umbrellas. Nothing this man could do would surprise me at this point.

Except die?!?! Did Jacoby just get murdered by the figure in a balaclava!? That’s a nice intense eye zoom fading into the spinning roulette wheel, I approve.

Cooper and Big Ed (Kyle MacLachlan & Everett McGill) are still undercover at the casino, where one of the dealers is Jacques (Walter Olkewicz), who is involved with Leo’s (Eric DaRe) drug dealing side hustle. Cooper tells Jacques that he’s Leo’s banker, Jacques reveals that Laura liked being tied up, but didn’t like the bird. Laura, that bird gave the best evidence so far as to the identity of your probable murderer, so even though you’re dead you should show some respect.

Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) is being dressed up as her preferred playing card, the queen of diamonds, to be displayed for One Eyed Jacks’ owner. Everyone is playing a game of not saying first names, otherwise Audrey might be clued in that she’s being set up to seduce her father. This is getting all Back to the Future, and I’m sure will make for quite the entertaining scene later on.

Jacques gets arrested, fumbles for an officer’s gun, but is shot by Andy (Harry Goaz)! If anything this makes me like Andy less, I liked him more when he was bad at shooting.

Oh no, James, Donna and Maddy (James Hurley, Lara Flynn Boyle & Sheryl Lee) all listen to the tape together in which Laura calls James “sweet but so dumb”. A crushing thing for a guy to hear his old girlfriend say, and to be heard by his new girlfriend too. Poor guy. Apparently the unknown red corvette owner had tried to kill Laura several times before.

This is proving to be a busy night for Leo. He’s already had an argument with Shelly (Madchen Amick), now he’s blowing up the mill with Shelly tied up inside and a one-hour timer for her to think about what she’s done whilst he goes and kills Bobby (Dana Ashbrook). I’m more than OK with the whole Bobby dying thing, but I’d prefer it if Leo got taken out too in the process.

Oh god, Nadine (Wendy Robie) is killing herself. No thank you, I think she’s a great character and hope she survives. The world needs silent curtain runners, they just don’t know it yet!

So I was right, kind of, Hank (Chris Mulkey) did go to prison for Josie (Joan Chen). She got him to murder her former husband in a boat explosion, and he was arrested for vehicular manslaughter, but now he’s been paroled and wants more money than the $90,000 they agreed on. Fair enough, that doesn’t sound all that much given he now has a criminal record and she’s running the sawmill. Hard pass on the thumb-prick blood pact though, no thank you. And I’m aware the image above doesn’t effectively convey the severity of the scene, but the combination of Hank’s expression and the wall antlers made me giggle.

Pete and Catherine (Jack Nance & Piper Laurie) are clearly trying to have a private conversation in the office, but the mill workers are blatantly ignoring this and spy on them from every available window. Does this happen often? What are they hoping to see?

Andy is all full of confidence from his act of heroism, and his colleagues big him up enough to make more of a move on Lucy (Kimmy Robertson). She is relatively all for this, especially because she’s pregnant (called it). She reveals the pregnancy and he walks off in silence which, even coming from someone who does not ever want to have kids, I know is a bad move. Wait, Kimmy Robertson was in Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and voiced the feather duster in Beauty and the Beast? I didn’t think it was possible but I love her even more.

Bobby phones the police station to dob James in as an “easy rider”. So the bag in the motorcycle was probably drugs, and I’m an innocent little square for thinking it was sugar.

Jacques and Jacoby both survived their attacks and are both recuperating in hospital, phew. Jacoby evidently had a heart attack after being assaulted. Jacques reveals he was knocked unconscious in the cabin whilst with Leo, Laura and Ronette. When he came around he was alone, 15 miles from home, and had used Leo’s shirt to staunch the bleeding of a wound.

Hank calls Catherine, tells her the missing account book is at the mill. Big Ed returns home from a night of undercover gambling to find Nadine unconscious on a blanket.

Leo finds Bobby and attacks him with an axe, but is shot by Hank. Three of the worst apples are all clumped together, someone please throw a grenade at them.

Catherine finds Shelly bound and gagged at the mill. It takes her ages to untie Shelly or even remove the gag. “I can’t understand a word you’re saying, you’ve got a thing in your mouth.” Literally the fire starts before Catherine helps!

Leland (Ray Wise) asks Harry (Michael Ontkean) if they’ve caught someone for Laura’s Murder. Later, a mysterious black clad figure pulls the hospital fire alarm, ties Jacques’ wrists and smothers him with a pillow. And it’s Leland! Confirmed! Is he acting out of vengeance, making an assumption that Jacques killed Laura? Is he silencing Jacques before fingers can be pointed his way? Is Leland confirmed as every mysterious figure in the show so far (behind Leo in the woods, knocking Jacobi unconscious)? Of course I assume this is all correct. Vindication!

Pete is a hero. Goes into the burning mill to save Catherine. “She’s still my wife.” Atta boy.

At One Eyed Jacks, Ben (Richard Beymer) has closed a deal, and wishes to celebrate with “the new girl.” Oh boy. A hunchbacked seamstress (Lesli Linka Glatter) finishes applying the queen of diamonds card to Audrey. Audrey and Ben both close their eyes as the scene begins, but we’re spared the Chinatown of it all as we cut to Cooper.

Cooper has received the ear plugs from Diane, maybe she does really exist? Or is this more like some early prototype Alexa type thing, where he speaks into his Dictaphone and things get automatically delivered. It’s more likely that Diane is just a real person who Cooper methodically mails cassette tapes to, but I can dream. In Cooper’s room he finds the note from Audrey detailing her non-incestuous plans, plus a ringing phone. The voice on the phone (presumably someone at the police station) says that they’ve found Leo Johnson has been shot, but that’s less important than the knock at Cooper’s door, which results in him being shot at least three times in the chest by a black-clad figure. Credits. Dammit, that was unsatisfying.

New mysteries:
Who attacked Jacoby? – Presumably someone acting out of vengeance against Laura, so possibly Leland or James, although James is with Donna at the time.
Who shot Cooper? – It’s not Leo, he’s been found shot elsewhere. It’s another black-clad mysterious person, so of course my mind goes to Leland (also because it always does). Could it be Ben or Audrey, reacting to some perceived slight that led to them nearly hooking up at One Eyed Jacks? Hank and Bobby are psychos capable of attacking anyone, so they’re possibilities too. Maybe even Big Ed, who has heard about James being arrested and grieving for a suicidal Nadine went on a murderous rampage. Maybe it even is Leo, and he was found shot but got away and came to shoot Cooper too, for some reason. Heck, maybe it’s Andy, drunk on the attention he receives for shooting Jacques he’s gone on a shooting rampage to see how much attention he can receive for shooting as many people as possible. I guess I’ll maybe find out in season two, but for now I’ll guess it’s none of these people, it’s possibly someone we haven’t met yet (the least satisfying option) who is attempting to bump Cooper off before he uncovers something big.

Old Mysteries:
What happened to Laura?
Who assaulted Ronette, the other traumatised girl? – Leo and Jacques were both with Laura and Ronette on the night of the event.
Where did the blood on Leo’s shirt come from? – Jacques claims it’s his own blood, he used Leo’s shirt to clean up his own wound. It’s plausible, so I’m calling this as resolved.
Who is the “J” Laura was anxious about meeting?
Who was the shadowy figure behind Leo in the woods?
What did any of Cooper’s dream mean?
Who is the man in the red Corvette?
Why is Hank blackmailing Josie? – Because he went to prison for murdering her husband, and now wants more money than they initially agreed upon.
Who is the third man seen on the night of Laura’s murder? – Leland killed Jacques presumably out of vengeance for Laura’s death, but I’m not ruling out he was trying to prevent Jacques from saying Leland was there too.
What is the overall plan with the mill? – Ben gets Leo to burn it down with Catherine inside, so she dies and between himself and Josie they can claim the insurance money. Fine.
Is Lucy pregnant, and if so, is it Andy’s? – Yes and probably.
What’s really going on at One-Eyed Jacks? – Way more unintentional incest than I’m hoping anyone wants.

So that was Twin Peaks season 1. For the most part I’ve enjoyed it, though not on as much of a manic cult level as some people do, but I get it. I’m going to continue onto season two, though I’m not thrilled at how much longer that season is! I think I’d imagined this show would be a lot weirder than it’s turned out so far, and if anything I’m a bit disappointed we’ve only visited the red room in Cooper’s dream once. I imagine there will maybe be a little more of that sort of thing in season two, hopefully I’ll find out soon!