This is it, the final episode of that initial Twin Peaks run! I’m concerned by quite how many mysteries were still left at the end of the previous episode, but let’s see how many we can cross off today. I’m certain there can’t possibly be any new one added, surely? I understand this was essentially the last slice of Twin Peaks, other than a prequel film and a bunch of deleted scenes, for like 25 years, so I can only assume absolutely everything is going to be neatly wrapped up and didn’t leave anyone curious as to what was going on here.

Lucy and Andy (Kimmy Robertson & Harry Goaz) declare their love for each other after the traumatic events of the pageant show. Cooper, Harry and Hawk (Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean & Michael Horse) are trying to work out what the map depicts, Cooper repeats “Fire walk with me”. Pete (Jack Nance) barges in, focussing on his own more minor circumstances, “Grand theft auto! The log lady stole my truck! She took off towards the woods. Twelve rainbow trout in it (from Pete and Audrey’s night fishing)!” Cooper explains that it wasn’t the log lady, it was Windom in disguise. The Log Lady, Margaret (Catherine E. Coulson) arrives with a jar of oil her husband brought back before he died, “This oil is an opening to a gateway.” Scorched engine oil. Ronette (Phoebe Augustine) is brought in to smell it, almost collapses in fright. She smelled it the night Laura Palmer was killed.

Meanwhile, Windom Earle (Kenneth Welsh) drove to Glastonbury Grove with Annie (Heather Graham), reciting a prayer as he leads her into the woods “You and I have an appointment… at the end of the world!” Drags her into a circle of trees, she becomes doll-like, inexpressive, he leads her behind a familiar-looking big red curtain that appears behind the hole, then disappears.

Nadine and Mike (Wendy Robie & Gary Hershberger) both have bandaged head injuries, Doc (Warren Frost) dressing them whilst Big Ed and Norma (Everett McGill & Peggy Lipton) are happily clicking fingers and dancing, does Norma not know her sister been kidnapped? I didn’t see Mike get injured, what if he now thinks he’s older, so he and Nadine match in a different way? A tree hit him, apparently. Mike declares he loves Nadine, she has no memory of him at all. It appears her memory is back, she remembers Big Ed, seems upset that Norma is there. Screaming about her drape runners again. Says she’s “Thirty-five you moron!”

Eileen (Mary Jo Deschanel) is with Ben Horne (Richard Beymer), Donna (Lara Flynn Boyle) is packed her bag and leaving. This is not the stuff I want resolved, get back to the Windom of it all. “It feels so good to tell the truth, after all these years.” Doc arrives home, wants to kick Ben out, Ben asks for forgiveness. Ben’s wife Sylvia (Jan D’Arcy), who I don’t think we’ve seen since early in series one, arrives too, she does still exist then. Donna clings to Will, “You’re my Daddy!” over and over again, Doc lunges at Ben, knocks him into the fireplace, he falls unconscious with a nasty-looking gash on his face. Hope Doc not arrested for this.

Andrew (Dan O’Herlihy) takes the mystery key, it’s to a safety deposit box, and replaces it with another. Pete catches him in the act, I reckon Catherine has already switched out the key.

Cooper and Harry wander into the woods at night with a torch. Where’s Hawk? Andy? Feel like they should have as much backup as possible. Cooper tells Harry he has to go on alone, leaves Harry in the dark with no torch, but not far from the car, although Harry follows Cooper slowly, at a distance. Cooper hears owls hooting, approaches the stone circle/hole in the ground, surrounded by sycamore trees. The curtain appears, Cooper heads through the curtain and disappears, as does curtain, much to Harry’s understandable disbelief.

Cooper is back in the red room! Took him long enough. The dancing man (Michael J. Anderson) is back, come through the curtains filmed in reverse and does his dance across the zigzagged floor. He’s also joined by a new guy (Jimmy Scott), a singer! Sings “I’ll see you in the trees, under the sycamore trees” rhyming trees with trees, lazy. Intense strobe lighting. Where’s Windom? Did he see this welcoming committee?

Andy in the woods, looking for Harry. Finds him, they wait on a log until morning, Cooper been in there about 10 hours. “Do you want a thermos of coffee? Do you want a plate special? Do you want dessert? Do you want pie?” Andy, just go get breakfast!

Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) at the bank, run by the oldest man (Ed Wright) and a sleeping woman, possibly dead. Audrey chained herself to the Twin Peaks Savings and Loan vault, in protest to them lending money to Catherine, but she’s chained herself in such a way that the gate can still be opened, she’ll just be chained to an open gate. The vault door cant be closed, I guess, unless they open the gate she’s chained to inwards, then close the vault door with her inside, though I doubt they’d do that. She demands the old bank guy contact the newspaper, speaker to Milford Junior, there’s another Milford running the newspaper! Don’t tell Lana, she’ll have him too. Audrey then asks for a glass of water, the old guy complies, meaning he’s our second old man waiter of the season. Not only complies, but helps her drink it, as she didn’t chain her hands to a height she can drink from. Rookie mistake, I doubt she’s also considered the toilet facilities. The old guy, whose name is Dell Mibbler, dithers back and forth, until Pete arrives with Andrew. Dell quickly overcomes his shock at seeing this dead man walking around. Andrew and Pete want to use the safety deposit box key (where is Catherine? Surely Pete would’ve told her?), but seconds earlier Audrey chained herself to the gate.

Yep, see, they just opened the gate with her attached to it. Dell inspects the key. I appreciate how funny David Lynch must’ve found it to spend quite so much of the season finale watching an old man walk SO VERY SLOWLY to, from, and around a bank vault.

Andrew and and Pete open the vault door, IT’S A BOMB! “Got you Andrew, love Thomas.” Presumably bomb takes out Andrew, Pete, Dell, and Audrey too? No! The explosion is seen from outside the building, so it’s pretty big. What a truly shocking way for Pete and Audrey to be taken out, two of my favourites.

There’s a frankly hilarious shot of Dell’s giant thick glasses flying through the air, land in a tree with cash notes wafting around them. Most unexpected.

Major Briggs (Don S. Davis) reconnecting with his wife (Charlotte Stewart) at the Double-R. Shelley and Bobby (Madchen Amick & Dana Ashbrook) are getting all lovey-dovey there too, he suggests they get married, she reminds him of Leo, someone should remind her that Bobby is an abusive scumbag. German waitress Heidi (Andrea Hays) arrives late, giggling. No-one concerned about Annie? Jacoby (Russ Tamblyn) arrives with Sarah Palmer (Grace Zabriskie), Jacoby wearing a CLOAK. Sarah has a message for Major Briggs “I’m in the black lodge with Dale Cooper” but sounds very distorted, a bit like the giant? “I’m waiting for you” in the de-reversed speech.

“When you see me again it won’t be me.” Red Room dancing guy to Cooper. “This is the waiting room. Would you like some coffee? Some of your friends are here.” Laura (Sheryl Lee) walks out. “Hello Agent Cooper” offers her hand out to kiss? “I’ll see you again in 25 years. Meanwhile,” holds her hands up, disappears. Wait, did this call it’s 25-year gap shot? Fair play. Old man waiter (Hank Worden) appears! “Hallelujah.” does a gesture that seems quite racist towards native Americas, repeats “Coffee” a bunch of times as he de-reverse step delivers it to Cooper. I think this confirms that old man waiter is not of this realm. The Giant (Carel Struycken) now in his place, sits down in the chair. “One and the same.” Each say their piece then disappear.

Cooper goes to drink his coffee, it’s solid in the glass, then liquid, then thick like syrup. Man: “Wow Bob WOW. Fire walk with me” Then fire, then back to the severe strobe light, Cooper stands, alone in the room, leaves the waiting room, back into the curtained hallway. Goes through different curtains, now in very similar room, but no strobe. Picks another curtain, back into a waiting room with the man “Wrong way” points back out.

Picks another curtain, another man, “Another friend” but in a creepier, more desperate way. Silhouette walks behind the curtain, this time it’s Maddy. “I’m Maddy, watch out for my cousin.” She fades away as Cooper leaves.

Picks another curtain (although it seems he’s alternating between near left and far right), this one seems empty, but there’s a smaller man, just says “Doppelganger”, and an angry, off Laura, “Meanwhile” then banshee screams, no thank you.

Runs screaming towards Cooper. Hard pass. Cooper dashes out, into another curtained room, unperturbed, but in here he’s trailing blood, from when he was shot at the end of series one? Finds a dead Caroline and him lying on the floor of a room? No, it’s Annie! Oh god, the strobe is back, as she starts to get up.

Not-dead Annie, also not wearing the bloody sundress, back in her black clothes, “Dale. I saw the face of the man who killed me.” Is Annie dead now? “It was my husband. Who’s Annie? It’s me.” Now she’s Caroline (Brenda E. Mathers) again. “You must be mistaken. I’m alive.” Pale-eyed Laura banshee screams, then they’re Windom. “Dale Cooper.”

Annie materialises beside them, looks disapproving, then fades away. Windom laughs. “It you give me your soul, I’ll let Annie live.” Cooper agrees, Windom just up and stabs him! Jesus, no messing around with this guy, is there?

Now Bob (Frank Silva) is terrorising Windom? Operating him like a puppet? “Be quiet. You go. He is wrong. He can’t ask for your soul. I will take his.” Terrifying.

FIRE! Does a Joe Pesci in Home Alone 2. Windom’s head hangs down, Bob laughing maniacally (everything he does is maniacally though, to be fair), Cooper hurries off, his silhouette comically slinks past the curtains, fights them and emerges behind the laughing Bob.

Wait, this Cooper has the pale eyes of the red room zombies. Are there TWO DALE COOPERS?

Cooper Prime in the hallway, encounters Leland (Ray Wise)! The gang’s all here. “I did not kill anybody” Cooper Two laughs with Leland in the hallway. Cooper Prime dashing from curtained room to curtained room, all seem empty and strobing. The Coopers catch up with each other, then Bob assaults the camera, I have repeatedly asked for this to not happen anymore. Bob, get fucked.

At the exit of the hole it’s now night, Harry is still waiting. He finds an unconscious Cooper and Annie, her face bloodied. Is she dead? Cooper wakes up in bed at the hotel, Doc and Harry there. Harry tells him Annie going to be just fine, at the hospital. Cooper needs to brush his teeth, he’s going to see Bob in the mirror, right? Squeezes all the toothpaste away, then uses that hair helmet to headbutt the Bob reflection in the mirror. Repeats “How’s Annie?” like a maniac, laughs some more, AND THAT’S THE END, FUCK THIS SHIT. Laura’s reflection seen in upside down coffee mug in closing credits.

Dammit, I didn’t expect everything to be wrapped up neatly, but that’s a heck of an ending not to follow through on! People must’ve been going nuts working out what was going on and where it could go next! OK, let’s look at the mysteries:

Old Mysteries:
Who attacked Jacoby? – This has, to my knowledge, never been resolved, but given he did everything else I’m just going to assume this was Leland, possessed by Bob.
Is the Waiter real? – Looks like he’s from the lodge world with the giant etc.
What’s with the magic Tremond kid? – Never referenced again, such a disappointment.
Who was trying to call Harry at the police station? – Unresolved, possibly Josie?
If the owls are not what they seem, what are they? – Likely to never be fully resolved. Something to do with the spirits.
Why does Nadine think she’s 18? Why is she super-strong now? – Genuinely just a bonk-on-the-head situation, she thought she was 18, produced lots more adrenaline and became super strong, presumably now that’s all reversed. Unsatisfying, but fun.
Why were Bobby, Leo and Big Ed brought to the Poirot reveal scene? – In case Cooper was wrong about Leland being the killer, I guess Bobby and Leo were other suspects and Ed was there as a Bookhouse Boy backup.
What happened to Maj. Briggs? – Picked up by the black lodge somehow? I’m not sure, and his return in old-timey flight gear is also unexplained.
What’s the deal with Andrew being alive? – He and Catherine somehow faked his death and waited a few years so he could return and wreck vengeance upon Thomas Eckhardt and Josie.
Did Nicky kill his parents? Is he devilish in some way? – This, disappointingly, seems to have been a red herring subplot that has petered out. Shame.
Is Lana actually a witch? – I’m thinking more of a siren than a witch, capable of luring men to her but that’s about it.
Is Windom’s chess game to punish Cooper for something? – Yes, a sort of vengeance for Cooper discovering Windom had caused former death.
What is Windom up to? – He wanted to go to the black lodge, though I’m still not sure why. Just the experience, maybe? He mentioned he’d been to the white lodge and hated how nice it was. Is the black lodge supposed to be hell?
What caused Josie to die? – The best we have is Cooper’s theory that she was frightened to death by Bob, who she could presumably see because she was going to die. Feels like a self-fulfilling prophecy, you can only see him if you’re going to die, but seeing him is also what killed you.
Why is Josie now haunting a drawer knob? – The most frustrating thing to not be explained even a little tiny bit.
Why did Josie’s body weigh so little? – They made a specific point of stating she weighed a surprisingly small amount post-death, yet never followed through.
Who is the guy reading a book? – No clue.
Why did Jones try to kill Harry? – I’ll stick with my revenge for Thomas’ death idea, but it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
What has Windom found in the cave? -Honestly, no idea. Was the cave just the location of the carving of the map that led to the black lodge time/place? I don’t think the pole that caused it to collapse was explained, unless the pole was just there to make it collapse, so no-one else could find it?
What’s the gift from Thomas? – A key, to a bomb. So Thomas suspected Andrew might be alive and set up a bomb in a safety deposit box, placed that key inside a seemingly solid metal cuboid, encased that within a box that could only be opened by pressing the eclipse symbols (that were definitely not buttons) in a certain order, and put that inside another box that could only be opened by dropping it a certain way? Or did he put all that together in the brief time between finding out Andrew was still alive and then being killed by Josie? I’m sure Jones helped, and most of the gear was in that mysterious trunk of his, but still. Maybe it was Catherine (who was suspiciously absent from this episode) all along, pretending the gift was from Thomas, arranging to have Andrew killed. She might not have meant Pete to be taken out too.

Where did we leave everyone? This will act more as a reminder for me for when I pick up season three, but here, as I understand it, is where everyone is:
Audrey, Pete, Andrew and Dell are presumed dead at the bank vault explosion.
Donna is at home and has just learned Ben is her biological father. Doc has just knocked Ben out, possibly killed him, although given he’s with Harry at the end I doubt he’s been arrested. Eileen and Sylvia are there too at Donna’s house too.
James has ridden away somewhere, possibly New Mexico.
Jack is in Brazil, presumably pining for the now-dead Audrey.
Nadine’s 35-year-old memory has returned, she believes she is married to Ed, who was about to settle down with Norma. Mike is also upset.
Shelley and Bobby are together at the Double-R diner. Major Briggs was at the diner with Betty. Dr. Jacoby and Sarah gave him a message from the black lodge that Cooper was there, waiting for him. We don’t know if he made it there or was involved in extricating Cooper.
Lucy and Andy are together at the station, she has picked him to be the father of her unborn child.
Leo is still trapped at Windom’s cabin, holding a suspended box of spiders with his teeth.
Not sure about Catherine, last we saw she was bickering with Andrew about the key.
Josie is dead, possibly haunting a bedside cabinet at the hotel.
The whereabouts and current situations of Hawk, Margaret, Lana, the mayor, Ronnette, Gordon, Albert, Gerard and Dick Tremayne Designer Menswear are unknown.
Harry is by Cooper’s bed when he wakes up.
Cooper, however, has been possessed by the spirit of Bob, and is likely to cause all kinds of murderous chaos. Given Cooper is relatively new in town, has always been a bit of an odd duck, and he was the one who sussed Bob’s identity the first time around, I don’t hold a ton of hope for anyone else picking up on him here any time soon. That being said, he’s smashed his head repeatedly in a mirror, so the clues are there. The two simultaneous Coopers bothers me, as I thought Bob took over the existing Cooper, but it appears he creates a doppelganger, so maybe the original good Cooper is still in the black lodge, and the evil clone Cooper is in the hotel.
Annie is supposedly fine, recuperating at the hospital, but she looked pretty dead to me. Maybe Harry is being nice, doesn’t want to shock Cooper upon his awakening.
Leland, Maddy and Laura are dead. I don’t know who the Leland in the black lodge was, but given he was so chummy with the clone Cooper, I’m guessing he’s the clone Leland, and the original Leland is the one who died in the jail cell.

So that’s it for the first two seasons of Twin Peaks. I very much enjoyed them, and will be continuing with the later season and also Fire Walk With Me, plus I’ve been advised to track down all the deleted scenes as well. I think I’ll take a short break before watching season three, in which time I’ll watch as many other David Lynch films as I’m able, I’m eager to see where this goes and what happens to these characters in the next 20+ years!