This is it, the final episode of that initial Twin Peaks run! I’m concerned by quite how many mysteries were still left at the end of the previous episode, but let’s see how many we can cross off today. I’m certain there can’t possibly be any new one added, surely? I understand this was essentially the last slice of Twin Peaks, other than a prequel film and a bunch of deleted scenes, for like 25 years, so I can only assume absolutely everything is going to be neatly wrapped up and didn’t leave anyone curious as to what was going on here.

Cooper, Harry, Andy and Hawk (Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean, Harry Goaz & Michael Horse) are back in the cave, find Windom’s tracks and evidence that he’s been there and tampered with the wall carving, or “pentagraph” as Cooper calls it, requests Andy do a full carving.

Harry (Michael Ontkean) is in bed in a drunken stupor, is Jones (Brenda Strong) coming onto him in his sleep? She gently caresses a bottle at her hip, dabs some of the contents on his lips and hers, then they kiss. He sees her as Josie (Joan Chen)! Then she pulls out the wristwatch wire and chokes him! He manages to overpower and punch her out, then cut to the waterfall – did he have sex with her unconscious body? (I think at this point the cut-to-a-waterfall-symbolising-sex thing might just be in my head.)

Harry (Michael Ontkean) is dreaming of Josie (Joan Chen), drinking through an artfully-lit glass silhouette, in darkness. I just need to take a moment to dwell on the fact that the last time he saw Josie she spontaneously died in front of him, and the last time we saw Josie she was screaming from inside the knob on the drawer of a bedside cabinet, and if this is never fully explained I will remain furious forever. Hawk (Michael Horse) delivers Harry breakfast from Norma. “It’s a pretty simple town; least it used to be. The world’s caught up with us.”

Special Guest BILLY ZANE, woo-boy, who is he gonna play?! Dick Tremayne Designer Menswear’s younger even more rakish brother?

Voicemail from Windom Earle (Kenneth Welsh) accusing Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) of being distracted, not putting his all into the game, give him until tomorrow to post his move “or I’ll do it for you.” Harry (Michael Ontkean) asks Lucy (Kimmy Robertson) to get hold of Pete (Jack Nance) for his chess advice, and find out the latest time they can contact the paper to post tomorrow, “Paper, Pete, I’ll do it alphabetically.” Lucy is a delight.

Super close up shots of chess pieces in the credits, someone’s getting arty. Evelyn and Malcolm (Annette McCarthy & Nicholas Love) are reporting James’ fixing the car and disappearing to the police, they can’t spell Jaguar “J_A_G_W… car”. Evelyn is having second thoughts.

Major Briggs (Don S. Davis) recounts his memories to Cooper, Harry and Doc (Kyle MacLachlan, Michael Ontkean & Warren Frost), they seem to mainly consist of a giant owl. “My memories are immune from remission.” Briggs is really bigging up how important and confidential his work is. UFO project, examining “the earth below” Twin Peaks, in search of The White Lodge, but of course just as he’s about to reveal things we don’t know, he gets interrupted by other military on Col. Riley’s orders. There’s a polaroid photo of an unusual mark on Brigg’s neck though.

Business-Mode Bobby (Dana Ashbrook) is back at Ben’s. Ben (Richard Beymer) sent for him, so Ben is clearly not in a good headspace. He’s also made a knick-knack tower, crowned with the stuffed animal from which Leland took the fur. Ben claims he’s “in the penthouse” (metaphorically), but seems like he’s heading down a Howard Hughes path, tissue boxes on his feet and jars of urine may be approaching Twin Peaks soon. Oh god, Ben is hiring Bobby to tail Hank, feels like hiring Jar Jar Binks to tail Boba Fett, but sure.

Now wait just a minute, DAVID DUCHONY is entering the cast!

This episode starts with just a super long shot of James (James Marshall) just riding his motorcycle, is this a particular light episode that required some padding?

Cooper and Harry (Kyle MacLachlan & Michael Ontkean) talk to Betty Briggs (Charlotte Stewart) about the Major (whose name we learn is Garland) disappearing. Confidentially, the Major talks about the woods constantly. It’s classified if he’s tried to communicate with aliens. We knew this, I think (space messages that said COOPERCOOPERCOOPER?) but still. Was the major abducted by aliens?

“Three days later” – it’s the first between-episodes time jump! The day of Leland’s funeral. “That man is gone… forever.” “So is everything I love” Cooper and Sarah (Kyle MacLachlan & Grace Zabriskie). Sarah is missing an earring, “Leland always found the other earring”. Brutal small moment of lost intimacy.

The wake, a lot of food. Nadine (Wendy Robie) is still in child mode, marvelling at her own shiny shoes. Very childlike performance, good job Robie. Hank (Chris Mulkey) is being a good guy (performative?) fixes Sarah a plate, but she doesn’t want it. Donna (Lara Flynn Boyle) talks to Big Ed (Everett McGill), James rode away blaming himself and hasn’t been seen since, fine by me.