Category Archives: 07/10

Braveheart

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A young Scottish boy in the 13th Century is mentally scarred by the sight of dozens of his kinsmen slain and hanged. He is too young to fight the English, for it is those villainous scoundrels that are to blame, and when his father and brother do not return from battle he is sent to live with his scarred uncle Argyle (Brian Cox). Taught to use his brain before his sword, he grows up to become Mel Gibson, returns to his home village and falls in love, only for those Anglo-Saxon bastards to kill her too. Understandably, this sends Gibson’s William Wallace into a bit of a tizzy, so he sets about raising an army to thwart the tea-drinking tossers and their leader, evil Edward I. I’m no historian, but to say the film is blinkered by a love for the Celts is no exaggeration, with us Englanders shown creating laws where it is fine for us to sleep with a Scotsman’s wife on her wedding night, and banning the kilt-wearing types from brandishing so much as a stick. I’m not saying this didn’t happen, and I’m not going to burn any calories finding out, but I’m going to assume that something from the mind from Gibson can be taken with a rather hefty pinch of salt.
That being said, Gibbo gives good as the rabble rouser, hinting at the madness (and mullet) of Lethal Weapon, with an imposing presence and questionable accent. Much too can be said of Gibson the director and producer – roles for which he took home the Best Director and Best Picture Oscars in 1996. With an eye for locations and an ear for mixing the comic with the tragic, this is a well balanced film. Some of the fights and chases feel a little clunky, and the many brutal deaths – throats slit, fence post impalings, gouged eyes and mutilated horses – seem a tad gratuitous at times.
Choose film 7/10

There’s Something About Mary/Dumb & Dumber

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Say what you will about directing brothers Peter & Bobby Farrelly (Kingpin, Me, Myself & Irene, Shallow Hal, Stuck on You, Hall Pass), but at times their combination of prat-falls, worst case scenarios, extreme gross-out humour and stellar casts of ensemble comic actors can occasionally work out well, with these two films being pick of the bunch. The humour may go a tad too far for some) laxatives, urine drinking, masturbation and an excruciating penis-in-zipper-moment), but by ensuring their actors play the roles straight, and staying just the right side of plausibility make sure these films serve their intended purpose, as light-hearted comedy. If anything, it’s the small moments that make these films excel, be it a disc-sanding pedicure in Dumb & Dumber or the infamous spunked-up hair-do in Mary, as well as simple yet spot-on puns and wordplay (“a rapist wit”), and the casting is such that the central actors could not be replaced without seriously jeopardising the characters they play. So yes, the Farrellys have made some duffers in their time, but they’re worth enduring if occasionally they crap out gold like this.
There’s Something About Mary Choose film 7/10
Dumb & Dumber Choose film 8/10

Monsters

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Holding the prestigious position of most recent film on the list, having been awarded a 5-star rating from Empire magazine mere months before this cinematic odyssey began, Monsters is also one of the greatest examples of economic film making. Shooting on the fly with a skeleton crew and adding all effects afterwards himself, director Gareth Edwards (currently remaking Godzilla, hopefully with a better sense of scale continuity than Roland Emmerich, and without Matthew Broderick) has crafted a film equal parts Cloverfield, District 9 and any rom-com road trip you can think of. The plot is straightforward, Scoot McNairy’s cynical photojournalist Andrew must transport spoilt bosses daughter Sam (Whitney Able) back home across Central America. The hitch? Aliens landed in Mexico 6 years ago, and the area is now classified an infected zone, with only a few days before sea and air travel will be shut off for six months. Until the beautiful, unforgettable climax the titular creatures are barely seen, glimpsed in children’s cartoons, signs and graffiti, yet these giant bioluminescent jellyfish-like beings are more memorable than the central couple. Though not awful, the two leads are hardly required to stretch their talents, being a couple in real life whose marriage caused Edwards to miss a premiere of the film. As with all rom-coms, with or without building sized aliens, the two begin at odds with one another, but grudgingly grow to like each other through forced exposure, tequila, and redressing a bandage by firelight. Using a genuine couple heightens the realism of the relationship, so come the conclusion you hope they work something out between them.
Choose film 7/10

Buster Keaton

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 I went on a bit of a Buster Keaton spree here, courtesy of LoveFilm’s watch online feature, allowing me to watch all of his films from the list – five in total – almost in one go. Ranging from 45 to 107 minutes in length, all are of course silent and black and white – the latest was made in 1928 after all, but to a film they are all exceptional, but I couldn’t help picking up on some recurring themes. Of the five, four involved a damsel in distress scenario, where Keaton’s diminutive heroic figure is the only one able to save her. Four predominantly feature trains, three offer a high speed pursuit, three have major plotlines revolving around an across the tracks romance, three use the theme of inheritance in some way and all five feature peril involving water, be it a dam, waterfall, water tower, boat or flood.
The best of the bunch are the General, depicting Keaton’s southern train engineer singlehandedly invading the North to rescue his girl and his beloved train, and Sherlock Jr., where a cinema employee dreams of being a famous detective. The General offers much in the way of action and physical comedy, as Keaton climbs over and sits on the front of a moving train engine. It’s Keaton’s most famous film, and rightly so, as his straight-faced fool tries so desperately and earnestly to do the right thing that he cannot help but be hilarious, staggering from one mishap to the next, rescuing the girl from the enemy only to be confronted by a bear. Throughout the films Keaton takes a cartoonish view to violence – getting limbs caught in a bear trap is less of an inconvenience than when it happens in the likes of Straw Dogs or Severance, but this only adds to the fun – it wouldn’t be very entertaining for the characters to be rushed to hospital every few minutes.
Seven Chances is at the disadvantage of having been made into the Bachelor, starring Chris O’Donnell in 1999. The remake does nothing but detract from the quality of the original film, as both use almost entirely the same plot – a man must marry before a given date, or be denied a rich relative’s vast inheritance – yet Keaton does it much more successfully with little messing around or unnecessary mucking about with now perfunctory rom-com tropes.
Our Hospitality plays on the Romeo and Juliet tale of warring families with besotted children, but takes it in an inspired new direction when Keaton’s Willie McKay attends a dinner hosted by the family of his new love, only to discover they are the Canfields, with whom the McKays have feuded for many years, and who are responsible for killing Willie’s father. The new spin is that, although the Canfields desperately want to kill Willie, their family code of honour prevents them from doing so whilst he is a guest in their house, so Willie does his best to remain there indefinitely.
Finally, Steamboat Bill Jr. sees Keaton sent to work in Boston with his steamboat captain father, but the beret clad, ukulele playing, moustachioed diminutive Keaton is not what his father was expecting. Somewhat predictably, Keaton’s Bill Jr. is eventually required to save the day, making his father see him in a whole new light, but along the way some incredible stunts, including the infamous house front falling on Keaton during a storm that could have killed him had it gone wrong, make this a worthwhile watch all the same.
The General – Choose film – 9/10
Seven Chances – Choose film – 8/10
Our Hospitality – Choose film – 7/10
Steamboat Bill Jr. – Choose film – 6/10
Sherlock Jr. – Choose film – 9/10

Kick-Ass

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Just as Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson) cannot understand why no-one has tried to become a superhero in Matthew Vaughn’s first American film (after Layer Cake and Stardust in the UK, before X-Men First Class), so too it is difficult to understand why no-one has made a film about someone trying to become a superhero. It’s such a forehead-slappingly simple premise that you assume someone else must have already done it. Of course, since then the likes of Defendor (starring Woody Harrelson) and Super (with Rainn Wilson) have put their spin on the idea, and received less critical acclaim and box office revenue in return, as they have failed to match the level of absurdity, shock or brilliance of Kick-Ass, based on Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.’s excellent graphic novel. And, they don’t have a 10-year old girl calling a room full of drug dealers cunts and being shot in the chest by her doting father.
Using a scuba suit, rubber gloves, self-taught nunchuck skills and the inability to pain and a partially metal skeleton gained from wildly overestimating his ability to take down some thugs, Dave transforms into Kick-Ass, soon becoming an Internet sensation after being caught on a cameraphone helping a victim of a gang crime.
Meanwhile, Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage, channelling original Batman Adam West with a kiddy-fiddler moustache) and daughter Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) already exist as superheroes, albeit far more covertly than Kick-Ass, and are trying to take down crime kingpin Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong), whose nerdy son Chris (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) goes to school with Dave, and thinks he can help his Dad by becoming Kick-Ass’ sidekick, Red Mist.
Whilst very much an origin story, this neatly sidesteps being bogged down in exposition and training montages with the already established Big Daddy, whose backstory is succinctly covered in a well-played comic book style. The standout though is Moretz, clearly having clocked some serious training in both combat and knife skills, despatching the aforementioned gang of hoodlums with all manner of weaponry; stabbing, shooting and dismembering as though an everyday occurrence, although there’s a fair chance that for her it actually is. There is some truly amazing music to kill people to as well, with Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation being a particular favourite.
Choose film 7/10

The Bourne Trilogy

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Back in 2002, the espionage genre must have felt a little like Matt Damon’s Jason Bourne at the start of this trilogy, floating unconscious in the Mediterranean Sea with a bullet in the back after the abysmal CGI tsunami of Die Another Day and the shallow, clichéd hotchpotch of Mission Impossible 2, although they may have envied Bourne’s lack of memory. Thank the heavens then for the metaphorical fishing vessel of star Damon, director Doug Liman and writer Tony Gilroy for bringing this energetic affair to the screen, both setting up Damon as a bona fide action star and throwing the gauntlet at the feet of Bond and Ethan Hunt to step it up a gear (both of whom willingly accepting the challenge with Casino Royale’s gritty realism and MI3’s intelligent action).

Anvil

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In the summer of 1984 some of the biggest names in rock music, including Whitesnake, Bon Jovi and the Scorpions all performed at the Super Rock festival in Japan, to vast audiences of screaming fans. Also playing was a band that has proven to be an inspiration to a pantheon of rock and metal bands since, such as Metallica, Motorhead, Anthrax, Slayer and Guns ‘n’ Roses, yet you’ve probably never heard of them, unless of course you’ve seen this real-life Spinal Tap rock-doc, in which case sacn to the end and move on, you’re done here. The band in question is a four piece Canadian metal outfit known as Anvil, still performing with two of their original members; singer Steve ‘Lips’ Kudlow and drummer Robb Reiner, but instead of basking in huge mansions, making records with big name producers or performing sell-out tours to millions, they are working dead end jobs and playing gigs at tiny sports bars, occasionally not even getting paid. This brilliant film tells their story, directed by their former roadie Sacha Gervasi, and tries to ascertain why such a talented, influential band could have failed so fantastically, and follows their attempt to relaunch their stalled careers in a music industry where the landscape has changed.
Choose film 7/10

Spiderman 1 & 2

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Never has a film been more squarely aimed at the nerds and outsiders of the world (OK, maybe Revenge of the Nerds), the guys with the smarts but not the brawn, good looks, athletic bodies and hot girlfriends. Fortunately, this description neatly encapsulates the majority of the superhero genre’s existing fanbase.
Tobey Maguire is Peter Parker, the afore-mentioned science nerd with a prolonged crush on Kirsten Dunst’s girl-next-door MJ, but lacking the confidence, wealth, strength and social standing required to do anything about it. After being bitten by a radioactive spider during a class field trip, he acquires some of the spider’s abilities, including wall crawling, mild precognition, shooting webs from his wrists, a vastly improved body and the ability to dangle from the ceiling into your mouth while you sleep. In real life, spider’s shoot the webs from an aperture closer to their posterior. This would have made for a much stranger film, I feel.  Unfortunately, Parker’s transformation occurs around the same time as Parker’s lazy rich kid best friend Harry’s businessman father trials a new super serum on himself, with predictably disastrous results, transforming him into a suped-up madman, terrorising the city in the form of fan favourite villain the Green Goblin.

Strictly Ballroom

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You don’t really need anyone to tell you this is a Baz Luhrmann film. Focussing on a stage-set pastime (ballroom dancing) with fantastically over the top characters and a very Australian film, this is distinctive Luhrmann through and through. Focussing on a ballroom dancing prodigy (Paul Mercurio, though you’ll swear blind its Guy Pearce), shunned from the ballroom world after using his own moves in a competition, left with only a dowdy aspiring dancer as a partner he must re-infiltrate the dancing competition to regain his place. Ignore the sequinned backdrop, this is a genuinely hilarious movie, if only for the ridiculous levels of devotion the characters have for their hobby.
Choose film 7/10

The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp

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Character driven and with a meandering, unhurried pace, this is most definitely not the war epic I had always assumed it to be. Following Roger Livesey’s Clive Candy over a forty year period as he climbs the ranks of the British army, insulting the entire German movement during the Boer War, retiring twice, forming a firm bond with a German officer and three separate relationships, all portrayed by Deborah Kerr. Livesey is excellent, adeptly showing the difficulties Candy faces trying to impose his old school sportsmanship and honourable values on the more modern ideology of total warfare. Admittedly, I would have liked more battle scenes, but this is more than made up for with the absurd comedy of the technicalities and formality of a duel, and the inclusion of Dad’s Army’s Frazer, a young John Laurie.

Choose film 7/10