High Noon

Some time ago, town marshal Will Kane (Gary Cooper, whose appearance in the credits alongside Grace Kelly should set Die Hard alarm bells ringing) sent a man named Frank Miller to prison. Now he’s being released and is on his way into town, set to arrive on the noon train, where he’ll meet up with his posse and have his vengeance upon the lawman that sent him down. Playing out in almost real time (as shown on the myriad of clocks shown in nearly every damn scene) this film builds the slow tension up to a dramatic climax as the marshal sets about gathering up a posse of his own to face the varmints when they arrive, but finds volunteers in short supply. Cooper is the epitome of the all American hero, out to protect his wife, his town and justice for all, regardless of whether anyone stands beside him. The ending is expected and almost spot-on but makes a mockery of the rest of the film, going against almost everything told before, but this otherwise perfect picture is a fine example of a classic western.
Choose film 7/10

The Umbrellas of Cherbourg

So you’ve written a fairly standard, almost boring script about a young man and woman in love, with many obstacles in their way in the likes of a failing umbrella shop, a disapproving mother, an ill aunt, a rival rich suitor and a war, hired two capable but not great leads, utilised a sickeningly candy-coloured colour scheme and obtained a soundtrack that sounds like someone is randomly sitting on a piano, but don’t know how to make it stand out from the slew of identical dramadies? Well why not make the cast sing every line of dialogue? Every. Damn. Line. My God this is intolerable. I’m all for musicals occasionally breaking into song in ways that are integral to the plot, well written or just entertaining, but please stop for the occasional conversation. It may have worked on paper, but as soon as someone sings a response of “Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees” I wanted to throw a slipper at the screen.
Choose life 3/10

Witchfinder General

Can a poor accent really spoil a film? Vincent Price, here playing England’s witchfinder general during the English Civil War, doesn’t even attempt a Limey tone, an oversight so distracting it mars the rest of the film. Other than this detail his performance is spot-on as the man bought in to rid villages of accused witches for a princely sum, owning every scene he’s in as he accuses all those in his way of being in league with the devil. When he confronts the accused Satanist uncle of a soldier’s wife, brutally torturing, half-drowning and hanging the poor priest, the soldier sets out to wreck vengeance upon him. The film is at times maddening at what is hoped to be fictionalised accounts of what was gotten up to back then – see the look of mirth upon the face of a torturer when he spies a colleague raping the soldier’s wife, and methods of proving witchcraft include continually stabbing a person until finding a spot that neither bleeds or causes pain, so this isn’t always the easiest film to watch. But get past the gore and inaccurate inflections and what lies beneath is a gripping look at 17th Century brutality.

Choose film 6/10

The Big Lebowski

I’ve made the point before that the list contains films of three varieties; great, popular and important. The greats arrive via the Empire 5-star 500 list, the popular from the two lists voted by the general public, and the important ones are provided by the 1001 Films to See Before You Die. Many films, though arguably important, aren’t actually very good, so one could argue that they should be remembered and acknowledged for their gifts to cinema, but not necessarily watched, as was the case with the Jazz Singer, marking the introduction of spoken dialogue to the big screen, which nowadays is dull, racist and features too many unnecessary songs. The Big Lebowski, on the other hand, is also an important film, spawning a cult following so vast there is a fan club (the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers), several books and an annual festival (creatively named Lebowski-Fest, I hope to attend one day). And yet, it does not appear among the important list, appearing here after being awarded a 5-star review and obtaining positions on both nominated lists. This is less a crime and more a cultural injustice, as the impact this film has had on society is measurable from space. Hell, they even played clips of it recently on Something for the Weekend.

So just what is it that resonates so much with the public? Maybe it’s the snappy, endlessly quotable dialogue (“Obviously you’re not a golfer), particularly everything said in the bowling alley. Or perhaps it’s the borderline caricature roster of characters on display, from John Turtorro’s lilac-hued pederast Jesus (whom nobody fucks with) to Julianne Moore’s naked yet cultured Pollock-esque artist Maud and of course John Goodman’s psychotic ‘Nam vet Walter. It’s probably got something to do with the extremely crowded plot that bears little effect upon the characters it happens to. But mainly, it has to be Jeff Bridges turn as The Dude, a man shambling and smoking his way through life, following the flow it leads him on via nihilists, urinating Chinamen, porn moguls and private detectives. That, and it’s the first great film to feature a pot-smoking lead since Cheech and Chong, and one must conclude that many of those attending Lebowski-Fest, drinking white Russians in their dressing gowns and sunglasses have similar feeling towards the weed as his Dudeness.


Me? I love it because it’s a quintessential Coen Brothers movie. It features everything you need to make a great film – a twisting plot, stellar cast (I haven’t even mentioned Steve Buscemi, Peter Stormare, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Tara Reid, Sam Elliot, David Thewlis, Aimee Mann or the Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ Flea), terrific performances all round and a cracking soundtrack. The film introduced me to my cocktail of choice – Vodka, Kahlua and milk, easy on the Kahlua and heavy on the ice – and every time I watch it I either see something new or am reminded of a moment of pure gold I’d previously forgotten.
Choose film 9/10

1 Year Anniversary

Happy Birthday to the list! One year down, four to go, so far I’ve crossed off 260 films and spent a total of 21.21 solid days watching films (and that’s just the list ones), yet I’m still 7 films and 4 minutes behind where I should be, plus there’s 31 posts I haven’t written yet, but all being well by the end of this month (thankfully extended by a day just for this purpose) this should all be sorted, and I’ll be struggling manfully to write posts on either the day, or the day after I watch them, or maybe before I watch the next film, whichever is easier.

So, thanks to everyone who’s been watching films with me (especially Aisha, I’m very sorry for putting you through such atrocious oddities as All That Jazz and Videodrome, but you should thank me for introducing you to the joys of Fargo, Monsters and Annie Hall) and to everyone who’s been reading these posts, I hope you agree that they’ve gotten better, but fear not, I know I’ve still got a way to go before I actually get any good at doing this.

Here’s to the next 4 years!