Penultimate episode, here we go!

Leo and Briggs (Eric DaRe & Don S. Davis) are chained up in Windom’s cabin. Leo reaches the key, but only for Briggs’ shackles, tells him to “Save Shelly”, motivated by someone else wanting to do harm to her, that’s his job! Windom (Kenneth Welsh), pale-faced (what disguise has he been in? A snowman?) offers no punishment for Leo for freeing Briggs, Windom believes he wont be able to do anything for his plan, but he has a “new game” for Leo, brandishes a small tied hessian sack, then pulls this horrific visage: No thank you!

Norma (Peggy Lipton) is back and baked some pies for the Miss Twin Peaks pageant. Laura won last year, Norma won 20 years ago, and is judging this year, so Shelly and Annie (Madchen Amick & Heather Graham) are buttering her up, but she’s already expecting one of them to win. One is her long time friend and employee, the other her sister. Couple this with the mayor and Dick Tremayne Designer Menswear both being infatuated with Lana makes this is a very biased judging board.

Audrey (Sherilyn Fenn) is all dolled up by the fire, Ben (Richard Beymer) calls her “The most intelligent face I’ve seen all day,” but she’s just thinking about Jack. He’s looking for wisdom of humanity in books on philosophy and religion. Has Ben really turned a corner, trying to be better? I can’t see it, just a few days/weeks ago he was accidentally trying to have sex with his daughter at One Eyed Jacks! Audrey updates Ben on her Seattle trip, Catherine is using Twin Peaks Savings & Loan money to fund the Ghostwood project, could be bad publicity if it gets out. Audrey reiterates she doesn’t want to be Miss Twin Peaks, “the Town Bathing Suit Model”. Ben pretty insistent, tries to persuade her to give a speech on preserving their environment to specifically stop Ghostwood. A town full of men (and older women) pushing women to be in beauty pageants.

Andy (Harry Goaz) sees something in the cave painting drawing. “With your permission, I’d like to speak out loud.” Windom licking his lips, listening in via the bonsai tree microphone. Cooper (Kyle MacLachlan) believes Josie died from fear, quaking, tells Harry (Michael Ontkean) he saw Bob (Frank Silva) at Josie’s death, she died from fear of Bob, he comes from the black lodge, “the evil in these woods, there is a source of great power there, far beyond our ability to comprehend.” And he’s just unwittingly told Windom pretty much where it is. “It’s fear Leo, my favourite emotional state! They’re drawn to us when we radiate fear!” The time has come to gather my beloved queen and embark upon our dark honeymoon. I haven’t been this excited since I punctured Caroline’s aorta.” Cooper was right, Windom killed Caroline. He leaves Leo strung up, a taut string in his mouth holding A BOX OF SPIDERS!

Mr. Pinkle (David L. Lander) is choreographing the Miss Twin Peaks pageant dance, this guy can seemingly do anything (selling medical equipment, arranging pine martens), just not very well. A guy walks past back-humping a deer prop, sure. The pageant judges discuss what they’re looking for from the contestants. The mayor is focussing on beauty and power, Dick favours poise, sophistication, breeding, and style, whilst Norma is looking for originality, with the mayor only wants in the talent portion. Lana (Robyn Lively), with the mayor’s chef’s kiss of approval, lures Dick into the storage room to seduce him. Turns his torch off “Did I do that?”, evidently gives him a swift handy in the dark “By George, I think you’ve got it.” This doesn’t seem all that magical of an encounter.

Cooper tells Dictaphone Diane of his feelings about Annie, hasn’t felt like this since Caroline, though describes her reactions as that of a child. Annie arrives, wants Cooper’s help with her speech, “What you can do to save our local forests.” They use the forest as a metaphor for their own mental health histories then just cannot stop kissing each other, undress onto the bed.

Nadine (Wendy Robie) is giving a slideshow on her wrestling prowess to Norma, Mike, Ed, and Jacoby (Gary Hershberger, Everett McGill & Russ Tamblyn). Session run by Jacoby, discuss her and Ed wanting to div- break up, talk about their feelings in front of other people. Nadine concerned that Ed is sad because she’s so happy, but Ed reveals to her that he and Norma are getting married, so she retaliates that she and Mike getting married too, and stress-breaks his hand in the process.

Briggs escapes out of a ditch, not looking well, bloody gash on his head. Hawk (Michael Horse) happens to come across him, takes him back to the station where he’s swaddled in a blanket. Cooper gives him a good sniff, detects what Windom injected him with. Babbling about Judy Garland and the king of Romania. Cooper believes that the door to the black lodge only exists in a point in time, not just space. Door to the Lonely Mountain situation.

Andrew and Pete (Dan O’Herlihy & Jack Nance) are working on the metal box, got it in a vice. “Maybe it’s just a block of stainless steel!” Vice doesn’t work, so Andrew shoots at it, inside is a key, but to what? Catherine (Piper Laurie) and Andrew admit to not really trusting each other, so keep the key “in plain sight” in the cake saver.

Donna (Lara Flynn Boyle) is all dressed up for the pageant, but wants to confront Eileen (Mary Jo Deschanel) about Ben instead. They wont tell her, so she threatens to speak to Ben instead.

Cooper finds something in the book, Andy accidentally stumbled on symbols that refer to Jupiter and Saturn. Briggs babbling “fear and love open the door!” Cooper determines Windom looking for a queen, Miss Twin Peaks, Andy trying to get his attention, breaks the bonsai tree, finds Windom’s bug. Andy never gets to say his message.

The pageant! Singing in the rain? All dancing in transparent (sweaty) raincoats and umbrellas, odd, but different. Mr Tingle clutching onto the log lady (Catherine E. Coulson) in delight at his creation, trying to woo her very much against her wishes. Lucy (Kimmy Robertson) is up first for a spinning dance talent. Bobby (Dana Ashbrook) seeing double, two Log Ladies! One is Windom, who clocks Bobby with the log, YES!

I kinda love that there’s a manhunt at the beauty pageant, very Miss Congeniality. Oh god, Lana doing a dance of “contortionistic jazz exotica” does she not realise I’m watching this on a public train, this could look bad. Let’s hope for lots of cutaways to Windom. Nope, we’re seeing lots of this dance. A lot of writhing and belly work, I cant tell if it’s good or not, just makes me uncomfortable. Is that all the talent performances we’re seeing? Onto Audrey’s speech. I wanted to see what, specifically, Nadine was going to do. At least provide a list of talents for everyone!

Donna confronts Ben back stage, he wants to tell the truth. She looks like she can handle the truth. “Your mother, and I…” Donna rushes off, assuming Ben was going to say he’s her father, but he doesn’t confirm what was the most obvious option.

Windon skulking in the rafters in log lady costume during Annie’s speech. Lucy cornered Dick and Andy backstage “Today is the day my unborn child receives a Dad.” She picks Andy, Dick seems absolutely fine with the situation, he’s more than moved on in many ways. Andy is thrilled and honoured though, but has to rush off to find Cooper. “Men.”

Twin Peaks winner announced as Annie, because she gave the best speech, duh, they focussed on it for a reason. What was her talent though? Lana and Nadine the only ones who don’t look happy about it. Seems obvious when you think about it, of course the one Windom will go for is the one Cooper cares about the most, should’ve seen it coming.

Mass strobe effect, everyone panicking even worse than at the pine martel debacle, Nadine knocked out by a falling sandbag, I bet she’s gonna regain all her memories now, or will she regress even further and think she’s a toddler?. Cooper sees Windom in log lady disguise, tries to save Annie, Windom detonates small explosion, Windom chlorophorms her and takes her. Andy is finally able to tell Cooper about the cave painting. “It’s not a puzzle at all, it’s a map,” though I don’t think having that information earlier would’ve prevented any of these events.

New mysteries:
Can Leo escape his spider trap? – He’s had a slight change of heart in the wellbeing of Shelley, but I still think he deserves this trap so I’m saying that I hope he doesn’t escape.
What’s Windom going to do with Annie? – Probably kill her either in, or as a means of entry to, the black lodge.

Old Mysteries:
Who attacked Jacoby?
Is the Waiter real?
What’s with the magic Tremond kid?
Who was trying to call Harry at the police station?
If the owls are not what they seem, what are they?
Why does Nadine think she’s 18? Why is she super-strong now? – Is this all going to be reversed now she’s had another bonk on the head?
Where did Bob go? Is he an owl now? – Seems he went to the black lodge, and is now out and about again.
Why were Bobby, Leo and Big Ed brought to the Poirot reveal scene?
What happened to Maj. Briggs?
What’s the deal with Andrew being alive?
Did Nicky kill his parents? Is he devilish in some way?
Is Lana actually a witch? – If she is, she’s not good enough to magic her way into winning Miss Twin Peaks.
Is Windom’s chess game to punish Cooper for something?
What is Windom up to? – Kidnapping Annie to go to the black lodge. Maybe he’s trying to lure Cooper there too, but that now would mainly be because Cooper loves Annie, if someone else had won he might be less likely to go save them.
What caused Josie to die? Why did Cooper see Bob and the dancing man afterwards and, most importantly, why is she now haunting a drawer knob? Why did Josie’s body weigh so little?
What are Catherine’s plans for Ghostwood? – They involve money from the savings & loan, Catherine giving a Mr. Potter vibe now.
Who is the guy reading a book?
Why did Jones try to kill Harry?
Who is going to win Miss Twin Peaks? – Annie won, I kind of called it.
What has Windom found in the cave?
What’s the gift from Thomas? – A key! But to what?
What’s with the hand tremors? – Windom says something about fear being his favourite emotion, Briggs mumbled that fear and love open the gate so year, I think an abundance of love caused people to have hand tremors as a side effect of the gate opening.
Why is the giant against Annie entering Miss Twin Peaks? – He knew she’d win, and Windom would kidnap her. Did the giant try and warn everyone about entering the pageant, or were they only interested in preventing someone that Cooper cared about?