Hamlet

There are some films on the List that I’ve no idea when I’ll get to them. These films fall into three categories – the ones I absolutely adore but have no clue how I’ll even start writing about them, the ones I desperately do not want to watch (but am too much of an anal completist to ignore) and the really long ones. This four-hour-plus cut of Hamlet obviously falls into the latter, but fortunately for me, my girlfriend opted for Kate Winslet as her Film-Maker of choice, and seeing as I’ve reached that point in Winslet’s career in which she appeared in Hamlet as Ophelia, I can cross off Kenneth Branagh’s opus from the Empire 5-Star 500. As for the unspeakable films I don’t want to see, whenever LoveFilm drop Salo through my letterbox it shall not be a good day, though I could pull an In The Realm Of The Senses and bottle it when I’ve taken as much as I can stand.
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Unlisted: Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists

The closest the UK will ever have to a Pixar, and to be honest not that far off really, Bristol-based Aardman Animations have spent years toiling away at another masterpiece, this time based on the first in a series of ridiculous yet thoroughly entertaining books by British author Gideon Defoe. Just like Wallace and Gromit, Chicken Run and everything else Aardman has ever left a plasticine thumbprint on, Pirates is imbued with a timeless sense of humour in a world that almost – almost – makes sense, but is always hilarious.
We follow the Pirate Captain (Hugh Grant on the finest form he’s been in years) and his rag-tag band of misfits (including Martin Freeman, Brendan Gleeson and Ashley Jensen) along with their definitely-not-a-parrot mascot Polly as they set out to win the much coveted Pirate of the Year award, against rivals Lenny Henry, Salma Hayek and Jeremy Piven (whose voice really annoyed me as I couldn’t place it for the entire film). The only problem is… the Pirate Captain is a pretty useless pirate, with every plundering attempt ending in failure. Fortunately, a chance encounter with a repressed, desperate Charles Darwin (David Tennant) leads to all manner of escapades, including entering a scientific competition and a run-in with a furious Queen Victoria (Imelda Staunton, half the cast are Harry Potter actors).
If I have to find a flaw, it’s that everything moves by so damn quickly. Every character is a brilliant creation, yet few are on screen long enough to fully appreciate them, and often the rapid progression of the plot gives a feeling that some jokes are left by the wayside, 88 minutes long is nowhere near enough, but one feels the animators are happier their wrists were not strained further. The one character who really should have more screen time is the scene-stealing, self-subtitling monkey.
Choose film 8/10